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How to Balance your Feminine and Masculine Energy

The Law of Polarity states that everything has two poles. What goes up must come down, three lefts make a right and there's no good without evil. Nothing in the universe can exist without its “opposite.” Simultaneously, too much of anything can be toxic the same way that too little will never be enough. Some people believe that just hard work will get you far. Just put the petal to the metal and don’t let up they’ll say. As discussed in the last reading, How to Manifest Your Goals, that’s hustle mentality – very counterproductive. Plus, maintaining balance means much more to me than just work-life balance. Due to the law of polarity the universe is very cyclical, vacillating between all polarities resulting in the rollercoaster of life. As energy beings, it becomes so much easier for us to maneuver when we work with ebb and flow of life instead of swimming against the current. This is my meaning of maintaining of having good balance. When one understands all aspects, accepting it as is and flowing with it anyway regardless of which part of the hill you end up on. Once you get used to finding your middle ground, life becomes a little easier for you to maintain.

Yin and Yang

We have all heard of the term Yin and Yang. It is a concept that describes complementary forces and represents how they are dependent upon one another – thus they have to exist together; one can’t be without the other. The most known polarity in this realm, often represented by yin and yang, is masculine and feminine energy. Yang represents masculine energy. Masculine energy is simply outward energy. It is the energy of action, perseverance, initiation, very left-brain, logical and calculated. Yin represents feminine energy. Feminine energy is simply inward energy. It is soft and patient, the energy of introspection, intuition, compassion, nurturing, very right brain, creative and abstract. Every human being embodies both masculine and feminine energies. However, the level in which you embody these energies can vary. For example, you may know a woman who has more masculine energy, which can simply mean she knows how to work hard and hustles very well but doesn’t know how to be soft and patient. You can meet a man who has more feminine energy in the way that he can be presented as lazy and/or overly emotional. In both cases it doesn't always mean they are LGBTQ.


Another depiction can be the explanation of introverted and extraverted personalities. The introverted archetype is an embodiment of more feminine type energy. Introverts are inward thinking people. They typically think before they speak and usually live in their head. This is why they may appear to be anti-social but this isn’t always the case. Their introspection makes them very good observers and they’re having dialogue with self before they have dialogue with the people in the room. Also, it is not that all introverted people don’t like large groups, it is that large groups can drain them being that their natural state is to intake the energy of the room, sometimes not even noticing. They are usually the best one-on-one deep conversationalist due to their ability to be good listeners, hold compassion and have effortless depth. Rest and time alone are best for introverts as they restore their own energy. The extraverted archetype is an embodiment of more masculine type energy. Extraverts are outward action people. They typically are the first ones to speak and light up a room. Their ability to quickly act makes them very sociable and outgoing. They don’t typically initially think as much as introverts do, making them very spontaneous in action. But they learn through doing/hearing their selves talk and applying self-correction. They enjoy large groups as “letting it all out” is their way to recharge. They are also great general conversationalist, making it easy for them to spark conversation with any and everybody.

Keep in mind that you are not one or the other, you obtain both, at different levels. The goal is to balance the two, within yourself, I’ll talk more about this in upcoming paragraphs. Just so I’m sure you understand this point, just because you’re a woman does not automatically mean that you will always have more feminine energy; just because you’re a male does not always mean you will have more masculine energy. Life is a result of your experiences so your upbringing and environment can influence which energy type you express the most. Think about which personality style fits with you the most; that’ll be your dominant one.

Click here to take a personality test if you’d like help on figuring out which personality type fits best.


Opposites attract, they say. What they meant was you attract what you lack – not always in a bad way. Keep in mind that I said masculine and feminine energy is complementary. Most (not all) romantic relationship is typically someone possessing feminine energy connecting with someone possessing masculine energy – leave the general idea of gender out of it for a second. Most people unconsciously seek relationships to fulfill a part of them that they believe is missing (which is really whatever they didn’t receive during their childhood and now have a longing for it). For example, women who had terrible father-daughter relationships could possibly subconsciously seek relationships where their partner can take on the role of playing a “better father” by taking care of her. Karmic relationships can be created in this way by seeking someone outside of yourself to seemingly make you feel better about your traumas. You’ll find yourself running into the same type of partners over and over again until you can address this imbalance within yourself. You cannot seek anything outside of you to fill that complementary piece, you have to first become whole – or balanced – within yourself before you can also attract a balance partner.

Now, I did say that just because you are of a certain gender, it doesn’t always mean that you embody mostly that energy. HOWEVER, if your experiences allowed you to, it is ideal that the women who’s mastered her gender will embody her feminine energy – vice versa for men. But, keep in mind that you cannot recognize something you are not familiar with. If you’ve only mastered one energy type, how would you expect to recognize the other? You can’t. One, this is why having both parents in your life is important because if they are good ones, they will show you a good example of what both energy types look like and becoming balanced won't be an extreme challenge for you. But if you didn’t get very good examples, two, this is why you can start to attract what you lack. Good news is you will learn way more about yourself in a relationship then you ever would being alone IF you learn to use your interactions with the opposite energies as a learning experience. Your partner in particular will start to act as your mirror. People only treat you how you allow yourself to be treated. So, if you have a problem with the way you’re being treated don’t always jump to the other person; look inward to figure out what in you allowed this behavior in the beginning? What in you resonated with this behavior before you noticed it was a problem? People don't just change as the relationship progresses, they just start to show more of who they already were in the beginning.

Taking my example from earlier, a women who had a terrible father-daughter relationship growing up will unconsciously seek partners who can play the “daddy” role. This woman has an excessive amount of feminine energy, due to the lacking of healthy masculine energy in her upbringing. She will find a man to play that role and eventually as the relationship starts to run its course, control issues or even abuse can start to manifest in the man due to her excess feminine energy attracting excess masculine energy, that was her complementary piece. Unless she looks within herself to see that this relationship is a manifestation of her terrible relationship with her father all over again, she’ll continuously seek men to fill her void leaving her in troublesome situations with men with no emotional IQ.

We have all been in some type of karmic cycle in relationships at least once. Toxic relationships are a theme of this era though, but this is key to finding a healthy, balanced relationship. We like to act like the other person is the problem all the time not realizing that a relationship is complimentary, it cannot exist without both parties. In heterosexual relationships, if you are a woman, a man will soon show you what you need to work on when it comes to you embodying your masculine energy. If you are a man, a woman will show you what you need to work on when it comes to embodying your feminine energy. This is why they say you will never find the love you’re looking for until you find love within yourself. You stop looking at others as a means to make you happy and start making yourself happy. When you rely on others to make you happy, they also become the reason for your actions and sadness. When you rely on yourself to make you happy, you recognize the part you play and start to look inward to change how you show up instead when things aren't going your way.

When you find yourself becoming more balanced, so will your partner – if it’s your divine partner. When you change how you show up, someone who loves you will never take it personal, they will see it as the growth it is, which will also push and inspire them to grow and be better as well. A karmic partner may find your change insulting and start to project because they don’t want to do the work you did to grow, that’s how you know if someone isn’t for you. Real relationships take work because as we all know conflict will arise but it is easier to grow apart in conflict then it is to grow together. True love chooses to grow together. Also keep in mind not everyone is meant to be around for a lifetime. Some people are just a season, but when you find that person that’s willing to hold themselves accountable just like you are, for growth even when it’s uncomfortable; still loves you even when it gets ugly, you may have found someone worthwhile.

The Bigger Picture

On a more macro perspective, feminine energy represents the ambiguity and abstract manner of the spiritual (self-exploration) world; while masculine energy represents the tangible, material world. One is the innerstanding and emotional IQ. The other is the outerstanding and intellectual IQ. Everything that you experience is a manifestation of how you are on the inside. In the last reading, How to Manifest Your Goals, I explain how you are a result of your habits and your habits at first are developed by your upbringing. If you don’t change who you are on the inside it’ll be pretty hard to act in this world as something else, it will soon show in what you do and how you interact. Every single problem you have needs to have two solutions. The usual solution we go to is the masculine solution, acting on something to change something out there. But living in the material would we forget the feminine solution of changing a belief or a mindset that you subconsciously held. The feminine solution is understanding within one’s self (inward energy), why are you acting the way you are? What made you that way? What in you is attracting this certain situation that has you experiencing this problem? It should be applied first to innerstand the problem, then you change your perspective and act on it. The masculine solution is the application of your changed mindset to eliminate the “problem” you’re presented with. It is the action and level of persistence that you apply in the material world to get physical results (outward energy) and it should be applied second.

You cannot claim to have certain beliefs, thought and spiritual values (feminine energy) and not practice what you preach (masculine energy). The same way working and doing too much (masculine energy) will not be maintained if you don’t apply your beliefs and spiritual values. Another principle the world can apply to help them maintain a good balance is rest and a belief system. Some of you have the masculine material world down pat but have no innerstanding of your subconscious and spiritual beliefs. Rest and time away are important for introspection. Knowing self, your creatively and good ideas always come at a time of rest, the ideas that come when you’re running around like a chicken with its head cut off are usually rushed. Have you ever forgotten a word or someone's name and when you thought about it really hard you couldn’t think of it? But when you forgot about the whole conversation and went on about your day the answer just popped right up out of the blue? This is the mind at its best. Sleep is just as important as being awake. Rest is just as important as work. Spiritual values are just as important as action. Introspection is just as important as extrospection.

Everything is complementary and I hope you realized by now that indulging in one side is never the answer. You’re either all in or life’s going to throw you for so many loops until you have no other choice but to end up in the other end of the spectrum that you were trying to avoid. So, my answer is choose to deal with the ins and the outs of all parts of your life first before life does it for you. Use your relationships as a form of growth, they are literally a window into your soul to show you what you’re lacking when you step out into this material world. To become balanced means to master your inner energies and your outer energies until they become one and a reflection of who you are all around. Soon you will become a magnet for all things you ever wanted – not just in a relationship.

Talk soon?